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Saturday, 14 December 2013

Abstract as balls

I put out my hands to grab it, but the light is in my eyes.

The sun is blinding me but I know it has to be there for me to live.
I can't even see what I'm reaching for; I just know that it is before me, and it is what I want.
I get a touch of it sometimes but I still can't quite tell what it is, just how it feels to come close to seizing it.
I recall a distant dreamy memory of it being in my hands when I was young.
I'm clutching fists of sand, all too aware that as soon as it is in my grasp, it is ebbing.

I have my arms up and my hands are open.
My eyes are open, I just need to wait for them to adjust.

I will have this happiness.

Thursday, 12 December 2013

Life goes by so slowly.

It's half 1 on a Thursday.
I'm lying in my bed.
I've been awake for an hour, had a bowl of cereal and a glass of juice, which were consumed in bed while reading; I have no plans for the rest of my day.

I really need to just book my flights. I need to have things to do. It's considerably cheaper to leave on the 21st of December til before xmas, then it gets very expensive until the 31st. Realistically at this stage I think I've settled on waiting until after christmas, but by god it's getting boring having nothing to do. I've learnt a new piece on the piano.

I think I'll go for a walk. I'll finish this later.

Just went for a walk. It was pleasant.

Went bowling with the mates the other day actually. It's surprising amounts of fun, I hadn't been in years, and fortunately we were all pretty shit so it was a good old friendly competition.

This is really going nowhere, I thought I'd have more to say. Maybe we'll have a mad wkend and I'll have some scandal for yiz.

Wednesday, 4 December 2013

Wazza Wazza Wazzaappppp

Hey hunzos, long time no speakie.

So some shits happened and I've loads of spare time again so I figure I'll try get back into this blogging malarky.

First off myself and the girlfriend broke up. Technically she broke up with me but it was pretty mutual. We both weren't hugely into it anymore and since I'm going away we figure it's just not gonna work.

Secondly I'm living back in my parents place again. I've plans to do this season skiing business but I haven't booked flights over or anything yet. I haven't had any job offers until yesterday, it looks likely that I could maybe get a male Au-pair job if I want. The mum seems really nice and I'll admit I did a cheeky facebook stalk of her and she has pictures of the kids and they're really very cute. She emailed me some details and stuff last night and I haven't emailed back yet. I'm not sure if it's what I want y'know? Like I do like working with kids, but I'd be living in their house which is a 25 min drive from the skiing place and 2km from the nearby town, so since I'll have no car so that'd mean I'd either need to buy one or get taxis the whole time, either way is expensive. How would this work for nights out? I got the impression there's no bus but I'll have to ask I suppose. Anyway, my worry is if I took it I'd have no mates. It'd only be 5 hours 5 days a week, so I'd have quite a lot of free time so I suppose I could try get some other part-time work too.... So do I just go where I know my mate is and know I'll have fun anyway and someone to ski with but no job/accomodation set up, or do I go with the au-pair job where I know I'll have accomodation/food/ski-pass but maybe have to get a part-time job and possibly not have many friends but I'd learn more french?

Anybody have any thoughts for me on this?

I know you all really only ever came here for the tunes anyway so here's a song :p.

Thursday, 5 September 2013


I don't know if I've ever mentioned but I'm pretty beast at foosball.
Here's some tips for people who aren't very good at foosball so they can appear to be as good as me, or maybe even become as good as me if they practice them all a lot.
The ones marked Pro-tip are the especially important ones.

  1. When people ask if you're any good, reply with something along the lines of, "Oh I dabble.", or "Well I wouldn't say I'm very good, but other people do.". This is important because now people will think you're good, but may think you're joking so you have an out if you lose.
  2. If playing 2 on 2, when your defense has the ball, the attacker should keep his players up so the defender can shoot.
  3. Defenders don't shoot from in front of your goal, it's asking for the attacker to hit it straight back into your goal.
  4. Pro-tip: Always keep your players with their feet down, otherwise they won't block anything.
  5. Always put your goalie slightly to the side of your defenders, this way you cover a little wall.
  6. Pro-tip: If the table has a roll, pick the side where the ball rolls towards your goal. This way the ball rolls towards your players so you can control it easier in front of your players. (In front of your players is the side you shoot from so you can shoot anytime when the ball is there).
  7. Pro-tip: Be as slow as you can to take your shot, it's not easy as the ball will roll away usually or you'll knock it away. Not only does it annoy your opponent, but it also gives you time to see any gaps to shoot for. 
  8. Don't spin. Not only has it way less control, but it leaves your players randomly positioned so your opponent may get a free shot on you because you're breaking rule 4. With that said, spinning adds huge amounts of randomness into the game, so if you're playing someone way better than you, spin away. If they complain say, well you can spin too if you like. Then sing Kylie Minogue's spinning around if they're especially being a dick.
  9. Pro-tip: Always watch the ball, even if your hot chocolate or tea is done and you want to go get it.
  10. If playing 1 on 1, always keep your left hand on the keeper. Maybe I'm just really good, but it's insane how well your reflexes work; you'll make miracle saves way more often than you'd expect. Also there's nothing more frustrating than a slow ball rolling towards your goal and having to switch bar and accidentally knocking it into your own goal. Well, there are some more frustrating things, like leaving your hot chocolate on for too long and the milk gets kinda burnt.
  11. Pro-tip: This is the last and probably the most important tip if you want to win. If you're playing 2 on 2, always pick me as your partner. I'm the best and if you have a choice, you should pick me.
In other news I gave my 1 months notice in to work, so I'll be finishing up there at the end of this month and hopefully spending the winter in the alps! 
Exciting stuff! Gotta get applying to jobs.

You should watch adventure time. I'm pretty hooked.

I've been shit at DOC'ing lately because I have a girlfriend now and that takes up pretty much all of my blog time. 

I'm not sorry. 

I'm happy.
If life can stay this good, I'd be very appreciative.

Thursday, 18 July 2013

It's the little things.

It's watching milk diffuse into tea.
It's looking at the stars.
It's looking at clouds.
It's watching trees move in the wind.
It's making someone laugh.
It's when someone makes you laugh.
It's when you make someone happy.
It's feeling appreciated.
It's trippy music visualisers.
It's hearing a great new sound.
It's caring about the outcome of a sporting event.
It's learning a new piece of music.
It's drawing a picture.
It's saying something funny when you weren't sure if it was appropriate.
It's not saying something inappropriate when you weren't sure.
It's wanting to do something, and then just doing it.
It's not wanting to do something, and then just not doing it.
It's nice dreams.
It's those 10 minutes in the morning when you snooze your alarm.
It's the following 10 minutes when you snooze it again.
It's a bath when your muscles are sore.
It's realising how easy it is to make a list of great things.
It's getting a compliment on something creative you did.
It's realising you're writing in a pretentious, middle-aligned style but doing it anyway.
It's feeling attractive.
It's not caring about being cliche.
It's seeing someone you haven't seen in years and realising nothing has changed between you.
It's watching children try to figure something out.

It's a reason to live.

It's the little free things in life that somehow give it a meaning.

"Hey james what's new with you?" - Bitta this. Bitta that. You know yourself. It's actually looking quite likely that I'll end up doing a ski season by the way.

Thursday, 4 July 2013


Hi, I'm Dave and I say words like sozzletoff.
Sorry, Dave is in the states and I just miss his beautiful face.

My apartment smells atrocious. Sometimes they cook really rank food next door and we share a vent or something so now after a long days work I come home to an apartment smelling of dog food. The bad sorta dog food smell, not the borderline BBQ Hoola Hoops smell (They do smell like dog food. And absolut pear vodka tastes like soap. And I'm sure there's other flavours easily ruined out there too).

So anyway, I've been crap I realise, but I've been busy and easily distracted.

I nearly posted 2 weeks ago when I got a great question; this question:
"Is doing charity work a good idea if you've become cynical about the human race?" - I wanted to respond straight away but got sidetracked :/. Yes, it's definitely a good idea. I used to think people in general were a pretty shitty bunch, and still did a bit while I was over there, but in general I think a lot more of people now. There's a lot more good people out there than bad people, it just also happens that there's a lot lot more people who don't care or don't do anything than there are of the other 2 combined. I guess I fall into the latter category since I didn't do anything during that incident mentioned at the end of my last post, and that I don't do more for charities. I could be worse though I'm sure.

Anyway, what's happened.
Well quite a bit. Life has been good.
I've been seeing the aforementioned girl a bit and it's going pretty well as far as I can tell.
Kind of the reason I haven't been doccin' has been because I'm not sure how much I want to talk about that here. I'm usually surprisingly open on this thing but this isn't just about me so I guess it makes sense not to want to write too much.
Basically all you need to know is her name is Sinead, she's going into final year of a science related course but she's not geeky (or at least she's hiding it very well if she is), and she's far too good looking for me but I'll get over that.


Well work kinda does suck a bit these days.
I didn't get the pay rise I was supposed to get in June, they just never mentioned it and I haven't said anything about not getting my salary re-assessed so I dunno.
I'm still hoping to do a season skiing, Canadian visas are gone though for the year so it's a bit weird, not really sure what the story is there, apparently you can get sponsored for one somehow but I don't really know anything about it yet.


My friend at work wrote this website for listening to playlists in sync with your friends, it's pretty cool. This is my room on it so feel free to join in and paste some youtube song videos in for me to check out.

Oh and I wrote an application for windows for sorting out songs taken from iPods.

Here's the other anon comments I got:

"i'm on your website. hi. nice piano." - Thanks.

"If you decide to quit your job, Amusement City on.Westmoreland street are hiring electronic/computer engineers. Could be an AMUSING place to work." - Cheers for the headsup, I'd probably rather not work for a gambling company though unless there was some crazy incentives. I'd say it could get depressing.

Tuesday, 4 June 2013

Nothing has been done before.

What the fuck

"ever question your sexual orientation?" - Who doesn't? How can you say you're straight if you've never thought about it? Growing up guys call each other gay every day. In those insecure days I used to wonder if maybe I was gay and just didn't know it. Even though I liked girls and couldn't even tell if a guy was good looking or not (legitimately, unless they had something horrendously wrong with them, I'm still quite bad at it to be honest.). I'm definitely straight.

Was in Galway over the weekend just gone there. It was really fun apart from when I wrecked myself trying to do a running forwards backflip ("gainer") on about a 10-15ft jump into the water. I'd never tried before and it ended up with a big huge backflop. Doubt I'll ever try it again, twas so sore.
On the plus side, yet again I kissed my younger sister's best friend. Weird that it's been 2 years since last time. Time flies. More deets on it encryptoed below.


Saw a bit of a fight in the park near my house today. Some 16ish year old scumbags (about 20 of them) were throwing water balloons at people, and some kinda towny woman started shouting at them, and they hit her with a water balloon, so she got one of them back with one that was on the ground, and then all the guys mates started laughing so he felt he had to act the hard lad so he started squaring up to her and it all got a bit mad. His mate actually punched her in the face, and some other lad wacked her friend over the back of the head with a bicycle seat and then promptly pegged it off. It was a bit crazy. Then the police came and arrested one of them. They're such little pricks wrecking other peoples fun for their own excitement.

This kid is the cutest thing in the world. I'd be so proud if he was my son. Not 100% sure how of his own will his words are, but it's still amazing.

Thursday, 23 May 2013

Love makes the world seem sound

"why aren't you more self confident though? everybody likes you, that's a pretty good reason to feel good about yourself." - thanks.

"wow that IS slightly Rude." - Indeed.

"what kind of spam were you getting? like viagra shit or what?" - Nope, I was getting just gibberish stuff like "yPTdh1  <a href= .... ". Haven't clicked the links but their names are gibberish.

"So do you like anyone at the moment? Is that rap about anyone in particular or is it just a general representation of girls you like?" - That rap was about someone in particular yeah, but at this stage I wrote it like what, 2 years ago or something? I think to have a proper crush on someone you have to see them at least semi frequently so no, but everybody always has someone they think about sometimes as they fall asleep.

I had planned to write more but I'm shattered after work today (we went zip-lining in the Dublin Mountains, it was exhausting and really fun) so I'll blog again soon hopefully.
Going out stronggg tomorrow night and hopefully it will be eventful, been quite good mooded these days which always makes for better nights out. 

Ryan, Gav and myself booked in for speed dating on the 7th June (2 wks away). I'm slightly excited for it but also a tiny bit nervous but mostly it's too far away to think about yet.

Shane has agreed to go do some piccies with me again this weekend, so I can't wait for that!

Did you know, Lana Del Rey's 'pussy tastes like pepsi cola'? What an odd lyric.

Sunday, 19 May 2013

Rap #2

YO. I mentioned this post AGES ago and said that some time in the future I'd put it up, I think we've traveled sufficiently far into the future so it's now definitely ambiguous who I had in mind when I wrote it. It's rated R for slightly Rude.

I had no battery on my phone nor anything really to keep me entertained on the dart home so I came up with this among others, but this was the one I put the most work in to. 
It's just a verse and then the chorus.

It makes no sense,
I'm smitten through her absence,
I want us to take absinthes,
and see whatever happens.
See some girls are just tap-ins
but she's a 40 foot shot
that I'd be so happy if I got
but I never fuckin' will
cos I make her fuckin' ill
'Imagine kissing James,
man that makes me fucking sick,
imagine all the places that he want to put his dick.'
Although in reality I don't know what this girl thinks,
her words are riddles, she's my personal sphinx.
If I had to guess I'd say she thinks:
'He seems pretty meek,
but I bet if I looked under the covers,
I'd find out he's a freak.'

Eh I can't actually remember the chorus, it had a nice tune which you obviously never would have heard so no loss really. It was something equally depressing.

I was reading through a list of all the labels I've put into this DOCS as I side-tracked looking for this old rhyme. Friends, Teddy Bears and Crayons seem to be a recurring theme. Frogs slightly too. Bit weird, friends makes sense because I'm writing this for my friends to read, but the others kinda surprised me. Maybe Teddy Bears because I write this when I'm going to sleep so generally am tired. Crayons? Anyone any idea? Maybe because I feel like this is slightly my creative outlet so crayons? I don't buy that though. And frogs well, frogs can just go get fucked I've no idea where they come from. Well, obviously I know where ACTUAL frogs come from. Tadpoles. See. Yes yes. Quite.

I decided to write today because someone left me this message:
"you sound a bit down james.": I thought I definitely came off a bit down from the last post. I nearly wrote again the next day because I hadn't intended to be so glum. It was just hangover / dread of having to go to work. I'm sufficiently happy and my mother re-assures me (I hate when she says this but she always brings it up) that you're never going to enjoy any job whatsoever unless you're like my dad who enjoys everything and since I don't find everything interesting I just have to suck it up and slave for the man. I disagree somewhat, I'm too young to resign to the thought there can't be a job I'd be happy to get up in the morning for.

"do speed-dating ON SPEED" : Great idea, but no. Definitely no. Terrible idea really. I've never taken speed and I really don't think that would be a good time to dabble with it, and honestly I don't ever plan on it.

"get back into drawsomething! it's drawesome.": No thanks, I had my fun and it's over now. Exams are over now. All about snapchat now!

"when cycling, how do you stop bugs from flying into your mouth/eyes": I close my eyes if I see them coming, otherwise I just take it like a man. And I eat them when they go into my mouth, they're snacks to keep me going. I think I generally breathe through my nose actually when I cycle because I got a fly up my nose the other day when cycling and that was a horrible, horrible feeling.

This is a pretty lovely 8tracks playlist if you're okay with the cover picture having a topless woman in it. Embers of Love

Sunday, 12 May 2013

Is it really Monday already?

First things first. Check out:

I really don't want to go to work tomorrow.
I went surfing last weekend for the bank holiday wkend, I got so drunk the night and it was fun, but the next morning really made me genuinely want to stop drinking. I was just hanging thinking that if I keep this up I'll eventually just off myself in some hangover depression some day. That's why I didn't really want to drink this weekend. I'd love to give up booze and weed. I barely ever smoke anymore anyway, but giving up drink would be great. I can't do anything when I'm drunk and I usually just make a fool of myself. I dunno... I've had far too many unsuccessful nights out that all the disappointment from them builds up. I used to be fine getting pissed the whole time because I used to score a moderate amount of the time. For whatever reason I've progressively been getting worse and worse. There's no fun in being ridiculously hungover and thinking about how you could end up still alone at 50, or even worse, married to someone you don't even like. I think I might go speeddating next month. It was made for lonely IT sods like me.

I've been reminding myself lately how much happiness comes from your mindset and doesn't just happen by itself. You have to make yourself happy by seeing the bright side of things, but I just find it hard to fully buy into it.

I really don't want to go to work, but on the flip side I don't know what I'd even do if I didn't go. I work for money and this money is just paper that can't buy emotions. It buys preconceived notions of requirements which ultimately are unnecessary for my desires, despite what economics would want me to believe. I realize how bent that sounds, but I'm not gonna delete it because it's how I feel right now, even if it is the douchiest, hipsteriest thing I've probably ever said. 

I was asked, presumably by the same person:
"are swans dangerous?" - Apparently they're only vicious when they have kids on the grow, but in general they're not safe.

"Is it a good idea or a bad idea to keep a window propped open with a AA battery?" - Well I guess this would depend on whether or not you want the window open, what the window is made of, and how likely it is to rain.

To be honest I really enjoyed these 2 questions actually. You made me laugh. Thanks.

No song today. Not that you ever listen to them anyway.

Sunday, 21 April 2013

If it'd help I'd even die for you.

Song so chill it'll make you spill your milk. what?

Anyway, I'll keep this one short.


"that graffiti thing you did reminds me of something else but i can't remember what" - I assume you're talking about the eyeball lad? yeah he reminds me of this guy:

"what happened to his legs?" - I presume this is about the puppet. I wanted his legs to just look like puppet stuffing sorta cottony crap (as he's a mistreated puppet who broke free from his strings), but I didn't have white spray-paint so I did it red as basically my only option. Which unfortunately looks a lot like guts hanging out and is a bit gross. 

Sunday, 14 April 2013

Freedom of speech

Here's picture 2, inspired from the above song.

Mum told me she preferred the last one, dad laughed when he saw it. He laughed when he saw the last one too. Not sure if that's a good or a bad thing!

Who will buy, my sweet red roses.

So I had my first attempt at graffiti. Don't worry it's just in my garden, the green writing was some crap my sister put up years ago, not me. I definitely don't want to be one of those people who does stuff like write their name to show off. I'd only do it if it'll make the place look nicer.

I don't really know what this is but I kinda like it. I painted over it today so I can do something else later on and mum came out and was upset I was drawing over it. 
She thought it was cute.

I'm sure I've linked this song before since I really like it, but I never really knew a few of the lines so I never fully appreciated it til now. 
It's very romantic.

Tuesday, 2 April 2013

Bucket list.

I'm not one for keeping buckets, but I don't mind the odd list or two.

For those who already know what a "bucket list" is, well you already know. For those who don't however, you should get by with just knowing that a bucket list is essentially a list of all the buckets you have and must be kept in alphabetical order according to weight.

I've never really thought too much about things I want from my life apart from kids some day, and an opportunity to raise them well. And a wife I like, not just getting married because let's face it we're both knocking on and you're running out of eggs and I'm tired of being asked why amn't I married as if I have a choice in the matter.. At least I assume that's how it gets.
I heard the other day something along the lines of, "People have kids so they can relive their lives without all the mistakes they made.". Well I don't fully agree with that, but I do think I'm pretty good, so more me's in the world can't be a bad thing.
I'm sure you agree.

Anyway, said bucket list.

I'm not going to actually keep a list, because well, then you have to do them even if you change your mind about whether you actually want to or not.

Getting to the point.

Or closer to the point at least. I'm not going to put kids/really long term things on the list as well, I can't do much about some stuff now.

1. Make some nice grafitti somewhere.
-This guy does some cool stuff that you can see along the dart line, http://www.flickr.com/photos/39626358@N02/
Obviously I wouldn't be able to make something very good, but like, something not shit would be cool.
-This video should hold your attention, stencils are amazing.

I guess it make sense I'd find graffiti cool as I do love hiphop, and they're supposed to go hand in hand. And also graffiti is just really cool.

2. Make a friggin' song that isn't shit.
- I make up crap on the piano the whole time and it's always pretty crap. I would like to put proper effort into something sometime, maybe not even a piano piece, but something. Preferably with lyrics and/or rapping..

3. Do a season skiing.

That's it so far. I nearly made a 4th saying make a program that gets used by a considerable amount of people, but I don't feel actually that strongly about that at the moment so I'll leave it off.

Smarter than girls.

This came about from our work xmas party. Towards the end of the night one of the guys in work, who happens to be the boss' son, was talking to me while we were standing near-ish the dancefloor, which was empty apart from maybe 15 guys and 6 Spanish student-chicks or something. I just assume they're all students, and Spanish. Call me racist but I'm probably right.
Anyway, presumably noticing my lack of game (was being careful as was a work night out afterall, so didn't get too drunk) he was going on about how he wished he was my age (about 5 years younger) again, and how I should be trying yada yada. He had a point I suppose, but work night, not long in the job, no regrets. So he tells me that he reckons the majority of people are less clever than us, so, with our bigger intellects, we can deduce the majority of girls are less intelligent than us. His point being that I am smarter than most girls you meet in a club. To be completely fair I won't say I think he's wrong. Most girls you meet in clubs are drunk and seemingly stupid, and although I often think that I'm a dope and feel stupid, I think that I probably am smarter than the average one.
But I'm fully retarded when I'm drunk.
I don't think retarded is a very bad thing to say.
It literally just means slow. So no offense should be taken by anyone. It's definitely one of those things where people give power to a word just by fearing it. Like Lord Voldemort.
It all boils down into how you use the word.

I had a point.

I've lost it.

Lost the plot. Quite literally.


Wednesday, 13 March 2013

Down baby, down kabisa.

New York was fun.
I can now say that I've been in a Hot Air Balloon. Not exactly something that I had on my to-do list but sure we can't plan our entire lives. It was fun to do, I wouldn't exactly be rushing to get up at half 4 in the morning again to do it though.
Before doing it I'd been wondering how they steer it, I sorta assumed it could be steered by directing the heat to a side of the balloon or something like that, but no.
When we were about 50 ft off the ground I asked the guy how he steers it, and he replies I don't. We all had a little laugh and then he goes, "No seriously, I can't control which way it goes". He was a pretty sound guy. I find a lot of Americans quite abrasive but he was fortunately not one of those.

The balloon/basket looked something like this, same size-ish but less colourful.

When our one was slightly more deflated than this it looked really, really wrinkly. I made the observation, as I was obliged to by being the only male present, that it somewhat resembled a nutsack. My sisters didn't find this funny at all. They did that thing where they just ignore what I said instead of having to deal with responding to me.

The rest of the time in NY was basically chilling with the sisters and got to meet my sisters boyfriend who was lovely. It was a pretty pleasant time all in all.

I've started using grooveshark again a bit, toning down the 8tracks usage.
Here's a slick Atmosphere playlist I put together for Shane.


So I started making a tea drinking game, but I ran into an annoying problem and haven't finished it yet. Spent about 3 hours doing it, another 3 hours should have it finished if I don't spend forever fixing this one problem. BLEGH. Also, this game doesn't shut down your computer so some people will be relieved to hear that.
Although it's not too late for me to throw that into it I suppose.....

Thinking of having people over for a bit of a day-sesh in mine on Sunday. Not sure if I can do the trek of making a facebook event. I imagine enough people would be around town though so it wouldn't be too hard to get some people to stall over... What dyiz all reckon?


I just realised I never did that blog that you guys picked for me.

I got 3 votes for Smarter than girls, and then 3 single votes. So I'm going to just do the smarter than girls thing out of the way now.


Hold that thought.

I'll pretend it deserves it's own post (it's basically 1 paragraph) because I'm just not bothered to do it right now and I can't really remember what points I wanted to make about it, also I should sleep for work tomorrow.


Thursday, 28 February 2013

The Riverside.

First off, will get to those next posts at some stage but I want to write about this now.

Ryan linked me this picture and told me he thought I might enjoy making up a story in my head as to how this picture arose.

So I decided to write out a whole story to him, and now I'm going to share it here because I never go to effort with things unless I can blog it to the whole 5 people who read this.

Also listen to this as it is relevant to the story.

The Riverside.

So there was this pig, and his mother, a sow always told him that one day he would get to learn to swim.
But unfortunately for this pig he was born in a pig factory.
He never got to see more water than the bucket in the corner of the 2 square metre pen that he shared with his siblings.
He didn't mind too much though because he knew nothing else, and at night, after the day is over and the pigs that are going to be taken away are taken away ,
(where do they go? They don't come back)
his mother would sing him a song.
It went:

"Down by the river, by the boats, 
Where everybody goes to be alone,
Where you won't see any rising sun,
Down to the river, we will run."

And so it went that every night the pig would fall asleep with this tune in his head imagining running down to a river.
He didn't even really know what a river was, but he liked the idea.
He heard it was more water than you can ever drink, and it was clean water too.
He liked that idea because usually there wasn't much water at all, and when there was it was very very dirty.
Despite the rumours that he sometimes heard the factory workers saying, pigs actually like to be clean.
His grandparents used to bathe in muck when the were allowed outside but that was because apparently there is a fire in the sky outside, so you need some way to cool down.
This little piglet always wanted to try this out. He thought it sounded great. Being outside. Seeing a fire float in the sky!
These were this thoughts as he drifts off to sleep.
And so when he dreamt, he dreamt that he was human.
He dreamt he was outside at some building, drinking some unfathomable liquid that made you feel good.
It made you happy, and carefree. And he dreamt that he was drinking it with a human woman.
In his dream he felt elated.
He had feelings he had never had before, but he noticed he wasn't completely in control of his body.
Was this was down to the drink, or maybe this was all just a dream?
This thought quickly fled his mind as the woman (because that's what human females are called this piglet knew) took his hand and brought him down to the riverside.
Sitting by the river she started to sing a song to the exact same tune as his mother would sing.
It went:

"When by the water we drink to the dregs, 
Look at the stones on the riverbed, 
I can tell from your eyes, 
You've never been to the riverside".

And upon this last lyric he woke up again, to hear his mother continuing the tune.

"Down by the water, the riverbed, 
Somebody calls you sombody says,
Swim with the current and float away,
Down by the river every day."

This thought made him feel positive today.
It was a good way to wake up.
To wake up dreaming of better places.
So he spent his day as he spent everyday, in his pen with his family, but today was positive.
Until today became different...
See sometimes mum was taken away for treatment by the human workers, and she always came back.
But today she didn't come back...
She was gone for so long and this piglet was worried. His brothers and sisters didn't seem to take much notice, but come that night they were all separated.
Each was put into a new pen with less pigs in them, but they were bigger pigs.
This piglet knew something bad had happened. He had heard that you only get to live with your mother for so long, but how could he fall asleep tonight? Where was his mother?
So for the longest time he lay there, until it was no longer night but was day again.
That day went much the same as his previous days with his family; He stayed in the pen all day.
Throughout the day he heard talk from pigs in pens nearby that his mother had been taken away, as all pigs are when they come of age.
This made piglet terribly sad since he knew in his heart, no matter what he hoped, he would never see her again.
So that night when it came time to sleep he said goodbye to his mother in his own way.
He picked up her song and added to it.
It went:

"Oh my god, I see,
How everything is torn, in the river deep. 
And I don't know why, I go, 
The way, down by the riverside"

And with that thought he fell asleep.
And once again he dreamt.
This time he dreamt he was by the biggest amount of water he had ever seen.
There was heat coming from the roof, it didn't look like any ceiling he had ever seen before though. He couldn't even see where it stopped!
There was some sort of natural light in the sky too. This must be the ball of fire he had heard about.
He thought to himself that even humans could have no power to turn that off!
And there were massive white curtains in the sky that could block it out, but they moved in the wind and came and went and it seemed like everything was in harmony.
As he stared at this scene he heard his mother talking from behind him.
He turned around but she wasn't there.
He was alone.
But again as he turned back to face this mass of water, he heard his mother again. She told him that now he would learn to swim.
Knowing she wasn't behind him he approached the water, thinking that this must surely be what a river was.
So much clean water could surely be nothing other than a mighty river, he certainly couldn't drink that much water anyway!
And so he ran into the water.
While there he decided now he would finish his mother's song.
It ended:

"When that old river runs past your eyes, 
To wash off the dirt on the riverside. 
Go to the water so very near, 
The river will be your eyes and ears. 

I walk to the borders on my own, 
To fall in the water just like a stone, 
Chilled to the marrow in them bones, 
Why do I go here all alone.
Oh my god, I see, how everything is torn, in the river deep. 
And I don't know why, I go, the way, down by, the riverside.. 
Oh my god, I see, how everything is torn, in the river deep. 
And I don't know why, I go, the way, down by the riverside..

Oh ohh, why, Oh ohh why, Oh ohh, why.. 
Down by, the riverside.
Down by, the riverside"

Monday, 25 February 2013

What have I got here...

I'm sorry I've been so shit lately, but from my stats I can see nobody really reads this anymore anyway.

I write blog ideas on my phone sometimes just in notes and it seems like I for some reason think I wrote about them, but haven't. So here's some little stuff that I never bothered including anywhere.

Pick two and I promise I'll at least make some effort to write about them before Friday.

Smarter than girls.
Childhood stupidity.
Conversation with god.
Not everything in this magical world is what it seems.

Thursday, 14 February 2013

Don't wake up.

When you lose someone you care about you dream about them sometimes. They're still alive in your dream but usually you kinda know it's a dream. You try and make sense of the situation, but you also don't try too hard because you just want to believe this is reality.
I used to have these dreams a fair bit. They're nicest when you know it's not real, because then it's easiest to wake up. 

It had been a while since I had one of these dreams.

I'll give some background.

I sometimes fantasize about just disappearing. Running away I guess. Just grab some money, some essentials in a backpack, and then just go. 
Leave a note explaining, and then just disappear.
Leave my worries behind.
Leave my responsibilities behind.

The main responsibility of course being keeping myself alive.
I often think I'm a bit too safe about things, and often I attribute this to not wanting to put my mum through that grief again. I think she'd literally die herself if anything happened to me or my sisters. She'd just give up.
I'd like to discover how much of my "safeness" is attributed to this, and how much of it is myself.
I'm sure some of you are surprised by this, since I'm not that danger averse, but whenever I do feel danger and think what to do, first thought is always mum. Is that normal? I literally don't know.

I'm a fiend for going a bit off the point.

So yeah.

Actually I'm enjoying this little route off the main road, I'll continue.

I'd also like to run away to experience other cultures, and get away from this internet culture that is consuming the world. There's places that haven't been so infected yet. I think I've said before about how I kinda feel a lot sometimes like I've experienced things that I know I haven't. I think it's basically dementia. I'm 23 and about to go nuts. 


So yeah I think getting away from computers and movies and books and dreaming too much would be good. I need to find reality. My reality.

Anyway, lets go back again.
Back to the original plot.

No. I'm not done it seems.

I like the endless possibilities of running away. I freak out when I think that I don't get to do every possible life. My inaction in things is caused by the fact that choosing one course of action is actively refusing every single other option. I could get a boat and sail and eat fish and travel as far as I can. Or I could just cycle and travel and steal food. I could go live in a remote town in Spain or Italy. I'd have to get a job though.. Everything comes back to reality.

So I was thinking yesterday as I cycled home pretty late about what would happen if I ran away. The lads would be shafted for rent that's for sure. I'd have to leave them some money. I couldn't tell mum or dad since they'd definitely put me off doing it. Anyway the details don't matter. After all this all I wanted to say was I was thinking about it, not in a seriously thinking about it way, more like the way one might think: "hmm what would happen if I jumped in front of a train.. oh yeah I won't do that so.".

Then I was also thinking about making a rap to go along with this song.
I can do the cup bit, and sure I'm shit at singing but nobody expects someone who's rapping to be able to sing. The rap would be about my sister, so basically it'd be like she was the one singing the song and I'd be the one rapping. It'd be nice and not depressing or anything. Sad but uplifting. I basically came up with a verse in the shower and of course have forgotten it by now but that was the extent of it. I'm always coming up with raps in the shower.

So in short, all of the above can be summarized into, I had been thinking about running away, and thinking about my sister.

So in my dream my sister hadn't died. She just turned up and said that she had ran away for 8 and a half years. I was surprised at how annoyed I was at her for this. It was so selfish. We all thought she had died and were so sad, and she didn't seem sorry for it at all. But then I started thinking, wait, who was that in the coffin then? It was easily glossed over because she didn't look herself in her coffin since she was so pumped with drugs from the hospital. 
In fact I'm pretty sure sometimes back shortly after I had desperately thought maybe it wasn't even her and she had run away, but with a little bit of thought that doesn't make any sense.
I think my logic was maybe she had done something really bad, like heroin or being a prostitute or something and everybody was so mad at her that they'd rather fake her death than us know the truth, so she had actually just been forced to leave.
So anyway back to my dream.
I can't remember how she fobbed me off with the whole burial thing, but she did. And then finally my mind came to, waiiiiiit a second. This is probably a dream. So I did the old trustee pinch yourself. I didn't think to do the thing that actually works, which is looking at your hands (your mind isn't very good at filling in these little details called fingers, so your hands usually look blurry in dreams). 
So I pinched myself and in my dream I for some reason thought I could feel pain and it must be real. I can't really remember what happened next. It's irrelevant. I woke up eventually. Unfortunately.

It surprised me how long it had been since I had dreamt about her. I kinda hope I dream about her again tonight so I can ask her what to do with my life. I think I'd trust advice from myself if it was manifested through her. Well, maybe not fully trust since it is a dream afterall. I probably wouldn't remember too.
She was always good for advice though, so if it's advise from myself but given through her in a dream, it must be what my mind really considers good advice.

Afterthought: I think maybe it's a sign running away wouldn't be a good idea if I was annoyed at her for doing it, although I'm pretty sure I wouldn't fake my death if I was planning on it.

This is nice.

p.s I've given up on that dares tumblr thing. trek. I only did one post! :o

Thursday, 7 February 2013

Isaac is born

The Story of Story.
April 25th, 2010
"i am re-listening to myself these days. learn music i say. and rather than say, that is expensive or that is hard, i say okay. say you love that person – actually, show you love that person and instead of saying that is socially awkward, i say okay. so when rosa says read me, i try to be quiet and listen and read her. and trust myself. i am trying to remember when it was that i promised myself i would get to know the person in the mirror. when? was i high? i ask myself. no"

This is the page I'm on. 
Obviously I don't know anybody called Rosa so Shane you can be Rosa.

I've started a tumblr under the name Isaac http://isaacdaresyou.tumblr.com/
I wanted the tumblr IdareYou.tumblr.com but it was taken so I figured I'd pretend my name was Isaac and that would be memorable because it starts with I.

You can see what it's about over there.
I've a feeling it might not last but who knows, could turn out to be some fun.


Sunday, 3 February 2013

Still Alive


I haven't been bothered to write in this lately, because usually I only write on this when I have something on my mind.
Lately I've been feeling especially happy for no apparent reason other than I want to feel happy.
I was listening to this song by Lily Allen in work.

And it got me to thinking.
I used to think I'm a vaguely depressed person. Not like a problem or anything, just more like, what's the point at life and everythings a bit shit really etc. But I also am aware that most people feel like that.
So listening to this song got me thinking about how a lot of people are on anti-depressants. So I thought for literally about half a second, "Would I want anti-depressants?", and instantly my brain replied "fuck no, fuck that.", which I take as a good sign. I really don't want to be one of those people who needs drugs just to feel normal, and it's not really feeling normal since you're on drugs. I'd much rather just change my outlook on life. Look at the positive things and don't worry about the bad things, because they are the way they are and that's just how it is. I was getting the dart home from work that day, it was dark and raining as I stood on the platform. Instead of thinking about the woes of bad weather I tried to find something nice in the situation. It wasn't hard. At all. The stadium nearby looked incredible. The unnatural browny/black colour to the sky around it from the street lights and city air was nearly magical. The amount of droplets of rain falling seemed incomprehensible. The people standing around talking in the rain chatting about work or people they know or their problems was a sign of how everybody has their own unique life, with their very own viewpoint on the world molded from their time on it. The universe will go on forever, but when each of these peoples' time comes their time will be up, and their unique life will be over forever, but new people will be born and they'll have their own life that will be just theirs. It goes on forever and it's always fresh.

So why not just be happy.

I've been listening to this girl lately.
I think she's amazing.

I love the story in this song.

I'm not crazy about the start of this song, but it's still a great song too.

This song is really sad and depressing and I'm not sure what it's about, but I kinda have to link it here since it's just so damn beautiful.

I was talking to these American girls on the dart the other day, they asked me for a line of boy advice, but we agreed later that you can never trust boy advice from boys. It was really random but fun.
It's funny how bad us Irish are at starting conversations with strangers.

Oh I'm off drink at the moment. Keepin' clean yo.
Throw me some stuff into my Formspring please.
Tell me something you're looking forward to!

Friday, 11 January 2013

Oh skii skii muthafucka

I'm going skiing tomorrow.
Terribly excited.
Cannae wait.

If I break myself or anything terrible happens, make sure you tell people it happened while I was doing a double front flip 540.
But if I just plain old die say I was skiing away from wolves..
With a dying child in my arms.
But then there was a big flat bit so I lost all my speed.
I managed to tame one of the wolves and put the child on it's back and have it run off to safety before the other wolves overwhelmed me and ate me alive.
And the guy in the coffin is just a really realistic sex doll someone had especially made of me.
And that it's not for sale.
Because there's not that much money in the world.

Or something like that.

Til next time, I'll leave you with my classic saying:
Keep it real.
Keep it West side.
Or East side.
I can't decide.

Tuesday, 8 January 2013

What if, being sure and advice.

What if dreams are what's really real, and this waking reality is just our escape from how insane and incomprehensible dream reality is?
Probably not.
Then again, we can't be sure of anything can we.

That's my mentality on things. I basically never say I'm 100% sure about something, I like to think I know better than to think I couldn't be wrong. I know it really annoys some people though, after all it is kind of a bad way to be; it basically implies lacking confidence if you're not sure. That's what being confident is really isn't it? Being sure you're right about things? Lets see.

Google: Define Confident
  1. Feeling or showing confidence in oneself; self-assured.
  2. Feeling or showing certainty about something.

That's a nice definition I think. It leaves room for me to be confident. I never feel certain, but I can show certainty at least, even if I'm not. If I think I'm almost sure about something I'd act confidently about it, I may even go so far as to say "I'm 99% sure" about something, but maybe 99% is too high? I'm not 100% sure.
I digress. I was asked before if I thought I would always be vegetarian, I replied I have no idea, but probably. The guy was shocked that I could feel so strongly about being nice to other animals, but not be sure that I'd always be vegetarian. I'm good at digressing amn't I. I think I do it in most posts, it must be annoying to read actually...

Lets track back. The thing is, people really like confident people. Everybody does, myself included. That's why I think I love Skye so much. She seems so socially wise, like she knows what life is about (never meet your heroes, you agree?).
[I can't believe I've never linked this song before, I love it.]

She seems like she is at harmony with life, which is what I strive to be, and what I'd like for people around me to be. I'd like to feel I have someone I can take advice from when I'm not sure about things.
Someone confident to turn to. This is what everybody wants right?
My eldest sister was good at understanding people, I used to like getting social advice from her, as in why people may be acting the way they are. I used to think she understood life, but then again I was young and thought life was simpler. I don't have anybody anymore who's opinion I would trust when it comes to understanding people (I'd trust one of my cousins actually, but I rarely see her.).

I watched Amelie last night. I had heard quite mixed reviews, but I thought it was really good.
I had actually been planning on writing about this before I watched it, but the movie definitely relates to what I'm about to blab about, which is, advice.

People love giving advice.
Even if they really don't have a clue.
It's hard to give good advice to people, which I guess the movie Amelie deals with.
Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't. People are just terribly complicated and every one of us is so different. I think the best advice is that which helps people solve their problems themselves though.
People trust advice from confident people (so long as they're not confident idiots of course), and being confident about the advice you get most likely gives good results because that confidence will be noticed by who or whatever you interact with.
Confidence begets confidence.

I was out on Saturday night, it was really fun, but we spent most of the night talking to these 3 30 year old girls. They were really, really good fun (nothing was obviously ever going to happen), but one of them in particular seemed clued into how people act. It was really enjoyable talking to her. It made me think maybe we do all become more clued in as we get older, but I see so many older people who are utterly clueless too..

I got loads of nice responses to my questions from the last post, I'm not going to post them as they were all quite similar. Basically we can conclude being nice is good.

Oh I'm going skiing next week.
Can't waiiiiiit.

I got asked:

"plans on getting a girlfriend? you should speed date"
- I thought about it before, I'm not sure I'd like it. I also have no idea how to even find out about them, but I'd rather not know so that I don't have yet another thing to think about.
I have enough thoughts, most of which are about people and life so they can't be answered, that makes them quite hard to stop thinking about.

Tuesday, 1 January 2013

I met a nice girl and did nothing.

Without saying too much, she said I inspired her to do something, which was nice. I thought I could have a chance here, but then she said I'm "a nice guy", that's not a good thing to hear right?
That's good old fashioned friend-zoning right?
Or did I just fall prey to the assumption that all girls like dickheads? Can being called a "nice guy" be a good thing? Lemme know your thoughts please.

"I'm the kinda guy a girl wants to marry and cheat on, with someone who wants someone to beat on.".
-That's what I think of me. Kinda sad, but it's okay so long as I don't fall for some wagon who wants that.

I did go out that night on the last post and it was fun. Wouldn't be put off going out on a work night again. Not too often though.

So Christmas...
What have I done with this record amount of time off...
In short I was very unhealthy, drank lots and had fun.

I keep deleting what I'm writing.
It's all too boring.

Gaffers won the question thingy, since obviously nobody else actually did it.
It was exactly what I expected I come across like if you're curious.

Feel free to Formspring me any suggestions as to what the prize should be anybody.

"was santa good to you this year?"

"would you describe any of your friends as having a good moral compass?"
Yes, nearly all of them.

"how do you get rid of mouth ulcers?"
I just wait and try get more sleep so that I don't get more.

"what made you decide to go vegetarian?"
I couldn't think of a good reason to eat meat and keep contributing to this industry behind the screens, and if I wasn't sure I figured I should err on the side of safety, that being the side where I'm not paying people to kill animals for me.

"here's a joke: "the other night i had a dream that i weighed less than 1/1000th of a gram. i was like 0mg.""

"Would you not just go and do the summer camp and the windsurfing and that then? Like not be afraid of it or whatever, and not worry about the job and finding someone, and just go and do it!"
Windsurfing? I've never done windsurfing.
But that aside, I do like my job at times and underneath it all I think there's a good chance it's the sort of thing that I want to do with my life, so it could be a bad idea to throw away good experience (and a possibility of earning lotsa money) for something that may not be what I want to do either...
Then again, as I've said before (and as shows with my terrible "pulling" skills), I often freeze when it comes to crunch time and just go on the side of safety. I have a good bit of time at the moment anyway (before that camp thing) to decide what I want to do. Thanks for caring whoever you are!