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Tuesday, 3 January 2012

There's no point in going to sleep since I'm not going to get up til 3 or 4pm regardless. I've got my 8 hours and then some.

I usually make a title before I write but I honestly can't pin down what I want to talk about so I'll just spit out everything on my mind.

1)  My hands are fucking cold, it's hard to type because my fingers are stiff and sore.

2)  Creepin of the Facebook variety. My lil cousin was getting fraped the other day, when I say little I mean she's about 13? So her best friend was fraping her and she started talking to me. I picked it up straight away because I'm clever, no wait, that's not why. I picked it up straight away because she said "I was at Ffz earlier got da shift off sum really hot lad nd cnt stop thinken of him ". This is a cousin I don't know too well, but what I do know is quite quiet and she'd never say something like that to me. So after a few more lines the conversation ends. The next day boom, James has a friend request. Who is it none other than a 13 year old who is mutual friends with my cousin. Her profile pictures are her lying in a bed with my cousin and some other little chick and they're all over each other. Very eh, what's the word.... You'd find it provocative if you were a paedo, is there a word for that? It'd be very that word if such a word exists. Oh I also got a message the next day from my cousin saying her friend thinks I'm cool for realising it was a frape so quickly. Talk about IN THERE.

3)  Creeping of the Blog variety. I love reading randomers blogs. I found some kid from america's blog through some picture she had uploaded or something, so I went to her blog from google images. Can't remember what picture it was but I took this from her page.

Anyways, this kid had a very average blog. You can find it here if you so wish- http://estherstar1996.wordpress.com/. I bookmarked it and really enjoyed it even though from her blog she seems like a very average girl. It is written in an entertaining and easy to read way though. That aside, the first entry on her page (at the time of me writing this) is this song:
I'm not gonna lie, I had a lil teery moment, I'm not going to say I cried because of this song, but my eyes had more water than usual in them so make of it what you will. The song really got me thinking of how I wish we celebrated Aileen's life more. When she died I didn't want to talk to her friends or anything like that, but now I'd really like to talk to them, find out stories about her that I'd never have known or couldn't have been told when I was younger.
I remember one time watching a movie with her and Dan (her boyfriend up to about a month or 2 before she died), and there was a scene of some illegal drug production hideout where they were making shit loads of pills and Dan goes: "I'd like to be there!". At the time I was a particularly uncool (or moreso unwise to the ways of the world, sheltered if you will) 14 year old, I didn't know what to make of that, I thought maybe he does them from time to time, or it was a joke. Either way Aileen definitely doesn't do them because that's really bold.
After she died I watched the tape of the last recorded stuff on her video camera. There was some stuff from her J1 in New York, and there was some part where some of the lads were talking about rolling a big joint or something. Again I didn't know what to think of it, I kind of figured from whatever way it sounded that she must smoke weed sometimes. I read an email conversation between her friends from that summer and they were saying how Aileen was basically partying like a lunatic the whole time, so she must have made some stories and been up to some shenanigans.
It'd be great to hear them, but would her friends even remember that many stories? I wish I could have been ready to hear them 6 or 7 years ago when Maeve used to see them from time to time.

Hopping back to the song, they paint this image of a beautiful funeral, a beautifully dressed girl being pushed out in a boat. It's a nice image, it's how I guess most people would want their funeral to be, but in the case of people who die young it's usually due to accidents. Be it a car crash or falling from a height, either way it means impact. The body is not going to look beautiful. Aileen barely looked like herself in her coffin. She was still bloated from all the meds they had been pumping through her, she looked like a down-syndrome version of herself. I think that made it easier to see her in a coffin, because it didn't look like her. I'm not saying that's a good thing, it could be good for you to really take hold of the fact that this is the person you've lived with your whole life who is going into the ground, but for the funeral I did my best to pretend she hadn't died whenever I got too sad, which was probably easier than it should have been due to the inflammation
I read another blog today which I didn't bookmark actually because she only had 5 or 6 posts, the latest being a year ago. It was by this very Christian North American woman. She didn't seem the brightest, but she seemed very nice. Her son (he looked about 13) was hit by a car and killed. She had 6 or 7 kids, some of them had seen their brother get hit by the car and they were saying how they have flashbacks of it. I guess I'm grateful I didn't have to see Aileen fall. I would imagine one would have dreams about that where you are too slow to help them, it would give you such a feeling of helplessness.
Here's another song from the first kids blog, she's a big fan of hugely viewed songs which I've never heard.

4)  My Sleeping schedule is completely frigged. I got up at 4pm today, and it's now 5.20am and I'm not particularly tired. I played squash for the first time in a while and I lost 3-0 to a man I used to beat. I'm so unfit and weak. I can notice my legs being far too weak for my body to move in the way I know I need to. I move too slowly due to my weak ass legs, and I'm not stable enough on my legs to hit the friggin' ball properly.


6)  Moo got me this album for christmas, pretty solid present. 

P.S I bet you've searched for those facebook pictures of my cousin by now Dave, you creep! Weh weh weh.

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