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Thursday, 3 March 2011

Skiing IVs

Have you heard of The Herd?

Songs irrelevant to this post, but considering the world at the moment it seems relevant to that.
Anyways, here's a story about the skiing intervarsities. Sorta.

Okay so the skiing bit was shit. Dendex just isn't like snow and I felt like a retard skiing on it, but at least I didn't seem as much of a retard as the guy on the loudspeaker, cos he made a tit of himself.
Free bottle of wine and cans after the skiing and a veggie burger. pretty sweet value for money. I never do wine well. (it was this that lead to my hangover post).

No idea who I was talking to. Some funny person tied my laces together.

I realise how fucked I am. My friend Conor agrees to take me to centra to get some food and then home.

Shop Assistant: Here, get him out of here.
Conor: It's grand he's with me.
Shop Assistant: If he breaks anything he has to pay for it.
Conor: Yeah it's grand he'll be fine.
Shop Assistant: No he's not, get him out of here.
James: I'll have a Crisp Sandwich.
Conor: He just needs some food. He won't break anything.
James: No, A Crisp Roll. Can i get these crisps in a sandwich?
Shop Assistant: Yeah fine, butter or mayonaise?
James: WAIT, No, a crisp ROLL.
Shop Assistant: ... Alright. Butter or mayo?
James: Mayyyonaise.

Outside Centra:
Conor: Okay eat your roll and lets get a taxi.
James: No.
Conor: What?
James: I can't eat it. I don't want it anymore.
Conor: .... Fucks sake.. Just eat it.
James: No... I'll get sick... You eat it.
Conor: Fine. Gives it.

Taxi arrives at my house:
Conor: James, Wake up. We're at your house.
James: Two  minutes.... zzzz
Conor: James WAKE UP.
James: Just gimme 1 minute....
Conor: No, the meters running, Wake up!
James: Where are we?
Conor: We're outside your house.
James: No we're not....
Conor: Yes we are.
James: Ohhhhh Right yeah, we're accross the road, Yeah we are outside my house.
Conor: I know... It's 30 euro between us. Have you got money.
James: Yes.
Conor: .......Ok, have you got 15 euro?
James: No, I've no money.
Conor: What?
James: .....I've no money.
Conor: .... Fine, you can pay me back tomorrow. The meters running.
James: Okay.
James Exits car and starts to walk extremely slowly accross the road. His laces being tied together doesn't help matters.
A car is way down the road. James continues to make his way accross the road. Car is coming closer.
James isn't speeding up. Taxi driver and Conor are getting nervous. Car is getting ever closer. James is nearly accross the road. Conor and taxi driver are still nervous. James just makes it accross the road in time. Conor and taxi driver are relieved.
Taxi Driver: Will he be able to make it from there>
Conor: Yeah... Maybe we should just wait til he gets into his driveway....
James makes it into his driveway like a boss.

James' room:
5am. James feels awful. Goes to toilet and sickies, hands on bowl and nearly falls asleep. Realises he must get back to bed.
9am James wakes up with an Octo-banging headache.
Mum tells James she found a 5r on the ground at the front door and she assumes it was his. James is impressed he managed to take his wallet/keys out of the door and only lose a 5r in the process and he is relieved the 5r didn't blow away.
James gets water and is back to sleep.

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