Super-James!

So I just got my first round vaccinations for going away to Nairobi this summer. They cost 135 euro for the vaccinations and no consulation fee. It's really weird to think about. I had some stuff worth 135 euro injected into my body so my body could learn how to fight off certain maladies. It kinda reminds me of the matrix in the way that people could be programmed to learn things. My body is now superior to a lot of other people in a way because I am not susceptible to Yellow fever or Typhoid for a while now. As you go about living your life you don't usually think about how you're making yourself a better person. I don't mean that as in you're becoming nicer or doing voluntary work etc.. For example when you learn something you're improving yourself to become a definitely more intelligent and useful person. When you get vaccinations you're improving your immune system to protect you from more diseases. When you exercise you're improving your lungs/muscles or whatever.
I guess to cut a long story short, what I'm saying is because of getting these vaccinations it made me appreciate how learning things makes you a superior person to what you were.

I've been watching "That '70s Show" quite a bit lately since I have it recorded. Sometimes in the evenings I'll be watching it and then during the breaks I fast-forward and this induces silence from the tv. During these breaks I always become aware of how unaware I just was that I am watching tv alone. It's so easy to feel like you're with your friends having a laugh while watching something funny, but in reality you're terribly alone.

I'm not really listening to Dido these days but whatever.
And I never really listened to these guys apart from this song 
Hopefully someday I'll have a daughter, I really like the names Isobel and Lorelei.
I like these names though from hearing them in these sad stories so I don't think they'd be appropriate.

Jelly Tots and toilet. (This has been accidentally bumped :/ )

I'm eating jelly tots and I need to go to the toilet but I'm enjoying the jelly tot's too much to get up.

Couldn't be less relevant to this post.

The weekend.

I've succesfully accomplished nothing all weekend despite the most average of intentions (probably what the problem was right there).  I hoped to get some suas fundraising done and do my assignment for college, or at least start my other assignment. What I achieved was I watched a movie, played some games, drank a bit and generally did nothing productive. I did get hit in the face with a sausage which was very traumatic for poor veggie me, I guess that counts as unproductive too. Tried to think of a witty funny drawing but I couldn't so I just drew this.

I never realised until recently that this bands name is "More Cheeba".

Drawings

Try

Just throwing up a bunch of shitty photos/drawings. I'll speel before each.
This first one is more of a thought sketched onto paper in 3 minutes.

This one is from SU council, Gav and myself were bored... I have a pic on my phone which I couldn't be bothered uploading where I have writen an o over the a in moran, LOL.

I drew these on my wall in my room. They were inspired from an experience in Vancouver. I drew them under the influence on our kitchen table, then I intended to draw it well on my bedroom wall but the chalk made me very chesty in the mornings and I never got to finish it so I took these pics before I took it down. The pics were very bright so I had to crank up the contrast and I stuck some hue on so it wasn't just black and white. Hopefully these 2 pics will give a gist of what I was going for.

Jewellery!!!

 Soooo I saw this and I thought, Perfect, It would look so great with my cream gloves and black lace dress.

Now it only cost 100euro in the jeweller just off Grafton Street that Mummy always goes to when she's looking for that something Extra special for her outfits. They're SO gorge. Anyways, I found this necklace to go with them.

I'd look like a Sexy Neo-Victorian Housewife. Ohhh my god I would love it. Problem is though, Mummy only let me buy one of them. This Indian style necklace cost only 60 euro but I guess I'll have to wait until my birthday to get it too. I'll look sooo fabulous for Cassandra's wedding! I just hope I don't show her up!

Sooooooo,
10er bets no lads are still reading by this stage.
I've once again outsmarted the female race (the first time when I pretended I wasn't a knob and I tricked a girl into giving me her phone number, I then sent her 500 text messages saying "I'm TOO GOOD FOR YOU!" over a period of 3 weeks).

Anyways, this time my victory is that I have uncovered a widespread female circuit [edit: I meant to say secret here, not circuit. Engineering can do funny things to your mind]. For generations men have always thought such things as "Why do girls get such a kick from fashion?", "What could possibly be interesting about colours that "match"?" and "Srsly they must be fucking with me that's the most boring thing I've ever heard and they've been talking about it for hours.". Over and over again many great minds have pondered such thoughts, until now, ponder no more good friends. FINALLY, I have the answer.

Girls talk shit so boys stop listening. Then they're free to say whatever the fuck they want without having to worry about boys finding out what they've been saying. It's the oldest encryption in the book. It's the only possible excuse for all the shitty fashion magazines and (sorryyyy kellyyy) shitty fashion blogs out there.

It's a well known fact at this stage that girly magazines can be a gold-mine for pictures of mild nudity and articles of a sexual nature, but it shocks me how men everywhere have not realised that theres juicy bits to every piece of the once-thought bullshit article girls read. Camp guys aren't camp, theyre just ONE STEP AHEAD of the rest. They talk the speel of "Ohhh my gawd, emma, that necklace sooooo brings out your eyes" knowing that in 5 minutes time the boyfriends will have left the room and he's free to talk naughty with the girls.

Someday I hope to have the stamina to read to the actual bit of a fashion article but I need more training. I just can't hack it yet. I'm sure that theres something else in there other than the price of this bracelet and whats going to be beachwear this summer. In the future I'll report back on what I find, if I ever succeed that is...

Grass is green

They reckon the average modern young person will never feel love because of how emotional all the movies/games/tv we watch are.

Also very emotional is: "A Walk To Remember."

Bitter boy.

So I've been in a bit of a shitty mood the last few days. Just stress or whatever. Anyways, I think this would have been annoying for anybody:

On "paddys day" (which is a ridiculous day) I was on the dart home and some dad decided lets make this packed dart a fucking playground for my kids. There's poles on the dart for people to hold onto so they don't fall over since the dart is jerky as flunk when it's starting and stopping and Mr Dad has the 3 of his kids running around these poles getting dizzy.
This wouldn't really bother me very much apart from how noisy the kids were and moreso one of the kids was about waist high and he was running around getting dangerously dizzy and was very very close to me, I could tell it was a matter of time before dick-use dad's child would run head first into my crotch. Also this kid had a sucker thing, I can't remember the name for them... The thing they give kids to suck on instead of the mum having to get her baps out all the time when their kid is teething. Anyways, this kid looked about 4 or 5 so really he was too old for one of those things.
These children were also climbing the poles with their dad's help and shouting for him every 10 seconds; "Daddy look at me!! DADDY!! DADDY!!! DAAAADDDYYYY!!!! LOOK!!" , "Daddy Push me up! Daddy, I want to climb it daddy!".
There was this kid in a wheelchair beside them the whole time, he was there before they got on and I'd been idly eavesdropping, but he sounded like a really nice little kid. He was about 9 or 10 I'd imagine, so slightly older than these other kids(4-5/7-8/7-9), but I just thought it kind of added to how inappropriate it was that this dad was encouraging his kids to act the dicks on the dart.
So in short, FUCK YOU to that dad,
Fuck you to the rugby commentators/analysts for always complaining and having an air of superiority,
AND
FUCK YOU to whichever of these 2 women on Golden Balls who is inevitably going to steal.

Of course one stole, bitch starts laughing and smiling as if it's not a horrible thing to do, "Sorry, I had to." As fucking if she had to, nobody forced her, stop laughing and stop expecting the other woman to be happy for you, you just robbed 1500 pounds from her. Apparently her son said she should steal at the end so she "had to". Fat dyke.

Wooooo so that's a lot of negativity out of me.

This is something that I think a fair bit ever since a girl asked me what I'd do if she kissed me. I normally think it at the most inappropiate times and imagine the awkward/funny situation that would arise.

Token Video (dubstepping everything is really getting tiresome)

Also, fuck you to the presenter on golden balls for not being funny, fuck you to the contestant for not being funny and acting like a gimp, and fuck you to the crowd for "oooooooh"-ing when he opens a ball with a small amount of money. Oh fuck you to this next lady for pretending she can read peoples body language. On a more positive note all I can say to this blonde is Fuck me! The fact she's not annoying me yet is probably not related to the fact that she's gorgeous.

It will be tomorrow tomorrow but then tomorrow will be tomorrow's tomorrow. This is the sorrow of tomorrow.

^ How many times is it allowable to rhyme the same word? Probably about twice more than above.

I guarantee you can't help but physically move to this song.

I'm going to be drinking tonight so hopefully my creative side and comedic genius shall be sparking away tomorrow (drink makes you stupid and you need to be stupid to write stuff, that's why arts students can pass their "degrees"). It is dinner and shower time.

Hollow and Warm. Safe and Lifeless.

Walk On
This ones about life. Sorta.

Just watched the latest episode of the new skins series and it got me to thinking a bit. When I say tv here I'm not referring to skins but tv in general so don't get mistaken.
TV REALLY gives people a very misguided view of life. Everyone knows not to believe everything on tv and we all know how bullshit peoples lives are on these "reality" tv programmes.

The 2 main things that I think it does are:
1) It gives people a totally bogus (first word that came to mind, I know its a bent outdated word... sue me) view of how the majority of the world live. You watch tv and see people living in a similar world to you but doing different stuff so you don't have to basically. The majority of shows show people living in places that you could very easily relate to yourself. It makes you not realise that the majority of the world live under completely different circumstances.
2) Tv makes you think that the majority of people are happier than they are. People are always pretty surprised at the amount of people that suffer depression. You watch tv and see all these happy endings and people enjoying themselves. Granted you also see people who are depressed but usually they're people who are doing drugs or are having problems of some sort that you can't really relate to. You basically never see your average joe with no problems getting a bit depressed for no big reasons. When people feel down they generally think they're special and this doesn't happen to other normal people THANKS TO TV. Also thanks to the fact that Irish people in general don't express many emotions so you don't usually know when someones got the blues. (you do know when people have the blueys tho, cos for some reason lads are all too happy to be graphic). By the way, if you're reading this and are feeling down,(unlikely since nobody is going to read this, but still) I'd like to let you know that it's OKAY to feel down, You're NOT the only one.

For all that nagging I think Tv is great though and I always find that I have a great night out if i watch one or two episodes of "That 70s Show" before I head out, I've no idea how it works but that show just puts me in a good mood. I think it puts me in the mindset to make some of my legendary jokes. Can't think of any right now but when I'm in the zone, laughter is in the room.

I haven't gotten drunk lately and I seem to do my best work while hungover so that's probably why I haven't been posting and why this isn't funny. I keep on considering using this like a half diary and saying how I'm feeling about things on this but then I wuss out and decide against it to avoid the slaggings that I'd get. Also it's hard enough to know how I feel about my life let so telling other people wouldn't make much sense since I may change my mind on everything every 2 minutes...

I'm xkcd binge-ing on a regular basis at the moment, If you've never heard of it check it out (you probably won't appreciate half the jokes unless you know some maths/physics... You should get a lot of them from a quick google) www.xkcd.com

Skiing IVs

Have you heard of The Herd?

Songs irrelevant to this post, but considering the world at the moment it seems relevant to that.
Anyways, here's a story about the skiing intervarsities. Sorta.

Okay so the skiing bit was shit. Dendex just isn't like snow and I felt like a retard skiing on it, but at least I didn't seem as much of a retard as the guy on the loudspeaker, cos he made a tit of himself.
Free bottle of wine and cans after the skiing and a veggie burger. pretty sweet value for money. I never do wine well. (it was this that lead to my hangover post).

Bus:
No idea who I was talking to. Some funny person tied my laces together.

Town:
I realise how fucked I am. My friend Conor agrees to take me to centra to get some food and then home.

Centra:
Shop Assistant: Here, get him out of here.
Conor: It's grand he's with me.
Shop Assistant: If he breaks anything he has to pay for it.
Conor: Yeah it's grand he'll be fine.
Shop Assistant: No he's not, get him out of here.
James: I'll have a Crisp Sandwich.
Conor: He just needs some food. He won't break anything.
James: No, A Crisp Roll. Can i get these crisps in a sandwich?
Shop Assistant: Yeah fine, butter or mayonaise?
James: WAIT, No, a crisp ROLL.
Shop Assistant: ... Alright. Butter or mayo?
James: Mayyyonaise.

Outside Centra:
Conor: Okay eat your roll and lets get a taxi.
James: No.
Conor: What?
James: I can't eat it. I don't want it anymore.
Conor: .... Fucks sake.. Just eat it.
James: No... I'll get sick... You eat it.
Conor: Fine. Gives it.

Taxi arrives at my house:
Conor: James, Wake up. We're at your house.
James: Two  minutes.... zzzz
Conor: James WAKE UP.
James: Just gimme 1 minute....
Conor: No, the meters running, Wake up!
James: Where are we?
Conor: We're outside your house.
James: No we're not....
Conor: Yes we are.
James: Ohhhhh Right yeah, we're accross the road, Yeah we are outside my house.
Conor: I know... It's 30 euro between us. Have you got money.
James: Yes.
Conor: .......Ok, have you got 15 euro?
James: No, I've no money.
Conor: What?
James: .....I've no money.
Conor: .... Fine, you can pay me back tomorrow. The meters running.
James: Okay.
James Exits car and starts to walk extremely slowly accross the road. His laces being tied together doesn't help matters.
A car is way down the road. James continues to make his way accross the road. Car is coming closer.
James isn't speeding up. Taxi driver and Conor are getting nervous. Car is getting ever closer. James is nearly accross the road. Conor and taxi driver are still nervous. James just makes it accross the road in time. Conor and taxi driver are relieved.
Taxi Driver: Will he be able to make it from there>
Conor: Yeah... Maybe we should just wait til he gets into his driveway....
James makes it into his driveway like a boss.

James' room:
5am. James feels awful. Goes to toilet and sickies, hands on bowl and nearly falls asleep. Realises he must get back to bed.
9am James wakes up with an Octo-banging headache.
Mum tells James she found a 5r on the ground at the front door and she assumes it was his. James is impressed he managed to take his wallet/keys out of the door and only lose a 5r in the process and he is relieved the 5r didn't blow away.
James gets water and is back to sleep.

The Dentist

Fucking hate going to the dentist. It's shit. My little sister was complaining about her teeth so mum, maura and I were booked in for this morning for an ol' checkup. The dentist is going away so we had to take the shitty slot that is 8.15 am, requiring me to arise at 7.15 like a chump.

Once there I had to do the usual sitting around in the lounge reading National Geographic magazines or whatever they're called. Those Shaolin Monks are fucking badass vegetarians. They're my idols, only I don't actually want to be like them since it'd be really boring. Anyways when I eventually get the joy of going in to see the dentist I have the usual craic. A short story from him to put me at ease I guess. And then it's to lying down on the yoke, mouth open like a goon and him having a gander inside that big hole in my face. Of course he's not very happy with my teeth and needs to do a few fillings but isn't sure if he has time so he decides he'll probably do 2 fillings after he does a checkup on my mum. My little sister required nothing by the way... Typical.
So anyways once mum comes out (and is told she's got loads of fun in store for her in 2 weeks time) and I'm back in for the lols. Oh lucky me, his next appointment rang to cancel since she's sick, he's going to have time to well and truely rape my mouth (half an hour). Soooo first off is to numb my mouth. Jabs the needle into my mouth in several places and gives it a little squeeze, after reading that shit about the Shaolin Monks and their kong fu I can't help but feel even more like a bitch that this is hurting me. Now time to rinse my mouth and I see a very cheeky technique going on here. They give you pink water to rinse your mouth with so you don't realize your mouth is bleeding. I had a wee spit first and noticed it was red though.
Back to lying down and then it was the solid 25 minutes more of him digging at my teeth, sawing away and sucking my saliva out with that yoke and just general uncomfortableness. At once stage he showed me on his screen thing what my worst of the cavitys looked like. It was pretty horrible seeing it since it's something you never really realise you have, I always think my teeth aren't the worst of teeth like, they're an alright shape and not too far from white, but seeing the cavity really made me realise I do take pretty dick care of my teeth.
After 30 minutes of someone messing around with your mouth your lips get very very dry. They really felt like they were burning. At one stage he asked me did I cut the inside of my mouth, to which I replied I hadn't so he asked me do I get mouth ulcers (except he used some more technical name which I can't pronounce, let alone spell) to which I replied I'm a bit prone to them alright. So apparently my monster ulcers which I get have scarred my mouth, LULZ. Lucky thing nobody can see it. He then said "You do know they're stress related right?", to which I wasn't sure how to reply so I said yeah and I don't get them very much anymore which seemed to satisfy him.

It turns out he had done 500 euro worth of work on me. Dentists really are making the cash. Very glad I still live with my parents and they pay for my dental bills or else I'd be fucked.

Getting my haircut today. I'll stick up pics don't worry.