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Saturday, 25 August 2012

I'll be me and you'll be you and together we'll wonder what to do.

When I was little I used to feel unsure of things; underconfident and insecure.
I thought adults had it all figured out.
I thought adults knew what they wanted in life.
I thought they were all sure of themselves.
Most importantly, I thought they were all wise.

I know better now.
I'm not sure of what I want from life, and I guess I am an adult now, but I look around me and see nobody else knows either.
Nobody is as confident as I had thought.
Nobody is that clued in tranquil person I used to think existed.
I don't know anybody who is wise when it comes to human nature.

I think perhaps growing up is simply realising this.
It's realising the world isn't what you thought.
It's not this place where everybody is mentally secure.
Old people are insecure too.
Old people revisit regrets from time to time.
Nobody can know for sure why people act the way they do. Nobody always knows for sure what the right thing to do is.
Nobody is that wise old granny in that film you saw.

I like to think Skye Edwards, (the chick from morcheeba) has it figured out, because that's the way her music makes her appear. And although I'd probably like to meet her most out of everybody in the world, I'd hate to meet her to find out she's the same as me. The same as you. The same as everybody.

I suppose there's comfort in knowing we're all in it together.
We all flicker together in this world, wildly and aimlessly together, and in a few moments we rejoin the dirt.
Life comes and life goes, on and on again.
There's some amount of beauty in it.
There's sadness too, but it's not real sadness.
If our time wasn't limited would we value life so much?
If we could truly grasp it's limit would we value our time more, or would we simply panic?

These guys are a big faggoty but it's relevant to what I'm saying here.

One lyric from The Herd that I really really like is:

"All I know is I'm as insignificant as a flee,
But yet the most important thing that's ever happened to me,
And that will set you free"

The whole song has amazing lyrics actually. It's worth a read and a ponder, even if you don't want to listen to the song.
They make better points than I ever could.
Ray of Sun Lyrics

It's funny actually. People always ask the big question.
What do you think happens when you die?
Does it not only make sense that after death is the same as before life?
How can people expect that you still live on after death, unless they believe that you existed before birth?
Re-incarnation is the only belief I could possibly buy into. How can people be so hopeful as to expect that souls can be created but not destroyed?

This is going to make me sound like a weirdo I'm sure, but I've had a number of dreams that have stuck with me. I remember having these dreams when I was very little. Well obviously I don't actually remember. But I assume I had these dreams when I was very young and it's so long ago now I can't really remember when exactly, they've just sort of always been with me.
In one I was an old adult, lying on my deathbed in some place. I had family or friends around me and then I died. I rose out of my body and they cried I think. They were sad but I wasn't. That was it.
In another one I was in a big huge circular open room in the clouds. It was some sort of ball or party or something, I'm not quite sure. There were lots of us, and we were afraid. We were waiting to be born but I didn't want to go. Going meant that I would have to say goodbye forever to my loved ones. I had no choice though. I had to go. So I did.

Nobody knows what is on either side of life.
We just have to enjoy the ride.

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