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Saturday, 23 August 2014

I'm sitting at work writing to my friend who listens

I'm nearing 200 posts and I've been considering ending this blog.

More and more these days I find that I have less and less to say on this. 
The words don't come as easily, but the thoughts are still in there somewhere.

I feel as if I'm bursting with a creativity that I need to express, but when I try to I express it so poorly that I don't think I do myself justice.
I feel I can be great at anything but I'm good at nothing. Instinctively I want to do and to be everything, but I really want to be nothing that I can think of.

Having cleared my heart I've been trying to sort out my mind the last while. TV has me wanting a life that I can't have. Games have left me wanting a meaningfulness, a purpose, that I can't have. Books have left me confused as to what experiences are actually mine. All of these have left me dreaming of a love that might not exist for me. 
Our society pins love down as the most important thing you can have, but what if it's not? Most of us spend so much time chasing it for this promise of giving a meaning to ourselves, what if we chased something else instead? 
What would people think of you? 
Would you be happier? 

I don't want to talk about trivial events anymore; I don't want to try make them into anything more than what they were. 
I don't care about remembering every last detail of my life.
I've been tempted to end this blog and maybe start a new one which reflects more the direction I want to take my life in. End my "confused early 20s" blog and try to become a mid twenties man embracing life and giving myself goals. I still can't refer to myself as a man without finding it strange. 
I think I need to sort my life out before I can call myself a man.
I think I'll wait until I no longer actually am a confused (not so early) 20s male trying to figure out a world that doesn't make sense before I end this blog. I doubt I'll ever figure out an outlook that makes sense of the world for me to be honest. I think there comes a time when people just stop trying and live with everything the way it is.

This playlist is very nice:

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