I love this song. I've always liked it, but over the last agess I've had a real big crush on one particular girl and it made me feel like I could really relate to a lot of this song.
Before I start I should probably say I was in Galway over the weekend and got terribly drunk, I think I may have told one of my friends that I like this girl but I don't remember, I was too drunk to remember much. I then had horrible hangover blues in work one of the days and was hating myself for not having the balls to say what I wanted.
We're good friends but I knew she doesn't like me the way I like her, but I figured fuck it I have to tell her. So I did. For so long I'd felt there was no point saying anything because it only would mean nothing would probably ever happen then, so I thought I'd be better off just hoping she starts to like me some time.
This was a terrible plan.
When I was with the ex (who I really don't think reads this, but if you do eh, skip the next few lines), I used to think about how I have a lot more fun with this other girl, and that whenever we broke up I'd have to tell the crush before I start another relationship because if she likes me that'd be amazing, and if not, well at least then hopefully I'll stop comparing other girls to her; they all fall so short. So I finally plucked my vocal chords so I could sing to this butterfly, and sent my words via text because anything else would be too frightening. It was the most difficult text I've ever sent. Knowing that she wouldn't want anything, but still hoping for that 1% chance she did, and trying to make it obvious that it's totally okay for her to say feck off you're just me mate.. She sent a lovely text back 3 hours later (I had managed to fall asleep early because sleep was all I could do to take my mind off the waiting) saying very nice things and the standard things you'd expect in such a text. I woke up about 10 mins after getting her reply and saw the text.
What really surprised me though was the fact that I felt pretty great afterwards. I thought I might feel crushed, I wasn't really sure, but I felt unbelievably relieved just to not have this secret anymore. I never knew if she knew I liked her or not, sometimes I thought maybe she could tell, and it made me feel awkward not knowing if she knew. Apparently she had absolutely no idea. That she knows and in future I can be more myself since I won't have to worry about the whole thing is such a relief. Maybe some day she'll come to like me in that way, or maybe not, but at least for now I know she doesn't and I can give other girls a proper chance without thinking I could be missing out on something better. It also felt nice to be able to tell her she's beautiful; I don't know why.
I found some amazing music too last night, and some more great stuff today. This Polish Ambassador guy is great.
Check this amazingness out.
I'm falling asleep here so I'll leave it at that for tonight!
Goodnight my lovely friends.