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Sunday, 22 November 2015

This is for me.

I haven't been exercising lately and I think it's taking it's toll on my mind.

I keep thinking about all the pointless shit we do. I guess my question is what is enjoyment? Well, I guess enjoyment is a release of some crap in our brains, but what I mean is, why do we enjoy some things and not others? If we had the mindset that riding on a bus is really fun, and people paid large sums of money to ride the bus, would that then make riding the bus fun? I could imagine a lot of people getting on board with this.

Everything feels like we're going towards some greater point, but in reality we're not going anywhere. We only ever live in the moment, but so often is seems like the moment is spent planning future moments, or reminiscing on past moments. People go shopping to buy clothes, and they get enjoyment from buying them, but why? It's because they see themselves being regarded better by other people while wearing these nice clothes, or they know these clothes will give them comfort in weather or exercise, so we enjoy this process of buying clothes because in future it will give us enjoyment? It's hard to wrap my head around. And even then, let's say the future enjoyment is someone saying our clothes looks nice, why do we enjoy that? They validate our position in society, or make us feel attractive or worthwhile, and that makes us feel good. Again, why do we seek this? Because it makes us feel like we have a reason to live? Or because it means we think we'll get priority over other people for a mate, or for food, or some other form of enjoyment.

Really it seems like it breaks down to there are very few things which we do for direct enjoyment, and everything else comes from the promise, or prospect of that enjoyment, or the avoidance of displeasure. I'm sure some people have written books on this stuff and I could read that and it would all make sense and also not make sense after I've read it. It's crap I've spent so long trying not to think about since our little human brains are so ill fitted for really comprehending the world in which we live. I know I'll never understand the world, so should I not try? Or should I try in spite of that?

I went to a nature photography exhibition today, and while looking at the pictures I was thinking about how some photographer was sitting there waiting to take this picture, and because he took it it's now being shown to all these people, and we all get this enjoyment somehow from looking at it. This enjoyment of something we're not really observing, we got someone else to observe it.

Wait hang on.

Am I being a cynical prick? Is that what this way of thinking is? Cynical prick?

I just googled cynical, and no I'm not being cynical. I'm just being a confused prick I think.

So anyway, back to the photographer sitting in the field, or up a tree or whatever. Do we enjoy the pictures because we're imaging witnessing the event? I guess everybody enjoys the pictures for different reasons, and that's what makes us humans and interesting. A lot of the enjoyment definitely comes from the sense of wonder the pictures give us. Wonder is such a hard one to pin down. It's something we experience so strongly and frequently as a child, and now it's much more of a rarity. It's nothing specific, it's just a general feeling, but somehow it's a pleasant feeling. Why do we enjoy finding new things? Is it because in nature finding that new berries are edible is valuable information? Or just learning in general has helped us survive I guess. Not everything breaks down to berries. I would love some raspberry crumble.
Photography is a funny one since it's only been around in the recent enough history of humans. Watching a previous moment with real life quality is something that nature never really intended people to do. Unless you had a seriously amazing painter, it's only in very recent times people have been getting their heads around seeing a previous moment for a prolonged time.

I don't know what I'm talking about.

I've moved house by the way. Living near Notting Hill now, it's pretty nice, and 5 minute walk to work which is amazing. Works going fine bla bla. Violin is going pretty good too! Really enjoying it. Going to start on vibrato next lesson if that means anything to anybody. I can't wait to vibrato the shit outta me fiddle. And now I'm thinking, why will I enjoy doing vibrato, which makes me think because it will make my notes sound nicer, so because there's immediate pleasure in hearing music for some mad reason, and there's also pleasure in knowing people will think better of me if I'm better.


blegh. fuck it.

I should go for a run.

I won't though. It's bloody freezing.

In short, new housemates are nice, I think I'll like it here. Need to get pictures for my walls in my room though.




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